I just watched an hour-long commercial for overpriced lingerie, a.k.a. The 2011 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show,
You think the models looked too skinny? Well you must be a real jealous bitch! They were BORN THIS WAY, baby. The runway finale song said so. There’s no need to worry about these starving women. I swear, if you stare long enough at the protruding clavicles of the Angels, you can have some really deep thoughts. I’ll share some of mine below.
Karlie Kloss’ pelvic girdle: If I showed up to the office tomorrow in pink jellyfish wings, would everyone think “too much” or “not enough”? Same question: mirrorball ass.
Chanel Iman’s coccyx: Do you think that when Will Ferrell said “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative” in Blades of Glory (sampled in Kanye West and Jay-Z’s “N**gas in Paris”), he was also referring to the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection? And also, possibly, its most original 2011 creation, Nicki Minaj?
Isabel Goulart’s lumbar vertebrae: How many parasols is too many parasols? Do I have goosebumps during this “steamy, sultry, turn of the century New Orleans” number because I’m cold or they’re cold? Would J. Lo approve? I figured it out: I’M cold.
